Vara Yajna-The Awakening of The Antaryamin

The following was written following the retreat and is from a little book I wrote as a companion to my vaastu workshops called, "Vaastu For Enlightenment."


“Om”

The crystal clear bell-like voice of monk, Sri Lena Bhagavad Dasa (Sri Ananyaji) rang through the large meeting hall. “How curious, a female monk,” I mused, shifting in my seat and glancing at the rapidly accumulating snow outside the window. The 2 day yajna had just begun and I was a long way from home. Already thoughts of the return trip home through such a storm were on my mind.

“Sat Chit Ananda”

I stared at the people sitting on the floor at the front of the room-all Indians-and marveled at how they could sit so still, in apparent comfort, and so close to one another. Some of the women were dressed in gorgeous saris, and they looked like delicate flowers in a winter garden. I felt big and stiff and awkward, somehow alien and out of place in my old, faded jeans, cowboy boots resting by the door. I was relieved to have on matching socks without holes in them, as removing one’s shoes was the custom.

I squirmed again in my chair and yawned, turning my attention once again to the blizzard outside. “This is going to be a very long weekend,’ I thought. “I wish I was home.”

“Parabrahma”“

The ancient Sanskrit chant rose in power and clarity, almost visibly shimmering in the air, considerably brightening and rippling the energy of the room. Suddenly, and with quite a jolt, I realized that I was no longer in the Community Center of Murrysville, Pa, but had somehow been miraculously transported to a very small cave at what appeared to be the very edge of the Universe!

As far as the eye could see-above, below, and beyond, was an infinite, star studded void. I turned around and examined the tiny cave. It appeared to be made of flesh: part of a living, breathing organism, perhaps. Amazingly there was no fear, and I realized that with just one small step forward, I could forever become a permanent part of this glorious starscape.

““Purshothama”“

I turned again, half expecting to see the room that I had so suddenly vacated. There was no change. I was still standing at the edge of the Universe. I began to laugh. Joy came. Bliss followed. My heart was exploding with feeling. Should I jump, step, dive, somersault, or cartwheel into infinity? I wondered, rocking with laughter. What is proper? I was delighted.

““Paramathma“

“No! This can’t be real! It’s only a meditation. No wait! You’re dreaming!” Like a great winged beast, my mind swooped down, cawing and shrieking. Talons flexed, ready to snatch me up to carry me from that place. The moment fractured into a thousand fragments. The starscape began to ripple and tear. A legion of doubts buzzed before my face. “Just open your eyes and this will all be gone,” they giggled an hissed.

““Sri Bhagavathi Padmavathi Sametha”“

So I opened my eyes. What else could I do? I had to know. I was still standing in the cave, the Great Beyond before me.

““Sri Kalki Bhagavathe Namaha”“

“My God, this is real! I’ve come home!” And I wept with relief.

““Om”“

And that was the beginning of the journey for me. Much like a blind pig finding an acorn, I had stumbled onto the elusive and seldom discovered Path of Transformation & Enlightenment.

During that weekend Vara Yajna, many questions that had been puzzling me were answered. I saw my conception, birth and first seven years of life. Then through a series of chants, prayers, mystical experiences & Divine intervention, corrections were made. Childhood hurts and traumas dissolved. Old baggage was shed, and while some pain was still there, my load had lightened considerably.

I experienced my last death, and saw how I had gotten caught up in the cycle of births and deaths for so long. I discovered what it is that keeps one reincarnating on this plane, and what learning (unlearning) has to occur to enter higher realms.

During an amazing past life experience, I experienced a state of repentance for an incident. As a result, a chronic health problem of 20 years vanished. We were then taken 50, 500, and 5000 years into the future on an eye opening and haunting vision quest. Mankind must be enlightened. There is no other way. I saw my destiny and the agreement that I made before coming here. I was sheon the true condition of my heart and while choking back tears of shame followed by relief, I watched as my heart was slowly purified.

And I saw God.

When I left that place, nothing was ever going to be the same. The ground rocked. Single moments became infinite. The senses were clearer. It didn’t matter if I was slicing vegetables, cleaning the sink or watching a sunset-there was pleasure. I felt very much alive for the first time since childhood-I had somehow been salvaged. I traveled through the following weeks watching an extraordinary course of events unfold before me.

Life had become somewhat like a George Burns/John Denver movie, “Oh God”. Supreme consciousness had taken a form that I could hear, see, and touch, and appeared from time to time turning the most mundane event into a mystical experience.